I was bored so I wrote this...

Not searching, I stumble across my comfort.
Without notice, I find a hidden place of secrets.
How could this be real?
The thoughts of others come upon me swiftly,
but they pay no mind to what is hidden in open sight.
To them, I don't exist;
an insignificant wanderer who sits beneath a tree.
With pen and scraps of paper as her only companions.
But unexpectedly, I become the only one who takes the time to see them.
They can't see me (or they choose not to,)
but I all but clearly see them,
as they pass me with their backs against the sun...

lest I forget the meaning of happiness...a retake on insight...

I am the person, who thinks it is incredibly stupid to get involved with people and their problems... and yet I put myself in these situations...
How many times have I cried these pointless tears? and their only purpose, is for someone who could never return them...
To watch your reflection from a distance, hidden by the world's unruly substance...
Are you so blind as to not even see me? I watch you every single day, through reflected dreams and fading hope and even go so far as to ask if you're okay...
It was all about a love that was bigger than a lie...
Just never say goodbye...
Tell me it's okay to love again...
but as I never have before...
Tell me you can trust me...
even thought I'm ugly on the inside...
just like you...
These bright city lights, seem so far away. I know I can't go back to you, but I know I can't let you go. I want to hear you speak...if only to hear you say my name...
Of all the rights and wrongs I've done...You were the only one I loved...
What should I call this feeling...still sleeping in my undeveloped heart...I must forget the words I long to say...seasons pass while I sigh, and remember the past tears of pointless cries...
Don't think the world revolved around you. I'll make you so in love with me...that every time our lips touch, you'll die a little death...
I love you because you hate me...

That sounds bad, doesn't it?

is the universe just against me or something...?

Great news! NOT!!! well as I have said before... I am really starting to lik Kyo.... and when I'm finally able to tell myself ... "meh...maybe it's okay to like more than just a friend.... maybe it will be okay...and I WON'T GO FREAKING CRAZY!!!!!!..." -so much for that theory. If anyone wants to take a guess at was pist me off go ahead.... but I garentee you'll be wrong...well, here it goes... kyo's friend has moved back...T.T...and I have quite literally loathed him since homecoming of 8th grade year...long story but the point is-it did not end well...anyways I was bound and determined to behave myself while being around him....and try my best not to glare...whoops! oh well... anyways I am over trying to be pleasent, but whenever I try to talk to Kyo his 'friend' always steals the conversation...and I'm starting to get this depressing feeling that somehow, I'm being torn away from him...

and it just really pisses me off when I'm over here talking to him, the friend interupts and then I could have sworn that his friend said, "...well, why are you even talking to her...?" talk about stabbing someone in the heart!
and possibly the worst dpart about that... I stopped hearing what they were saying when I had overheard that...but I almost wish that I had kept listening.... and tha I had heard what Kyo had to say....whether he would defend me....or betray me..... but i guess that means i would stop having to be a coward and face the fact that- I DO like him.... and I'm not giving up without a fight.....^_^!

what's a girl to do?

so sad...this guy that I have been friends with like forever has recently moved away...let's call him Yuki, just for emphasis, now later there's going to be this other guy...let's call him Kyo, just because he's totally hot like kyo sohma... and a bit violent...hehehe... Well, my friend Yuki moves away, and I was really, really sad... (I used to swear I was in love with him until...V) but I am also friends with Kyo...but Kyo and Yuki hated each other... mostly because Yuki was gay or bi or something...and that was just totally against Kyo's mindset "they should all just move to California and float away..."-not a pleasant evening...so anyways, it was always really difficult for me to be friends with them both... I mean even if I just mention one of them to the other they got all pist off and threw some what of a hissy fit...but now that Yuki's gone I thought, "well, this could be a good thing...since he's gone maybe I can be better friends with Kyo..." well...this idea did come true, but here's the thing, I get like seriously over emotional about things...and I get a little bit to emotionally attached, so now I'm afraid I'm going to start liking Kyo more than just a friend... I mean I still have my other friends, but he is the only guy I actually talk to now... and we do get along great!... but we also get into a lot of trouble as well, but we have fun doing so! Now, I just have to figure out...would it be to wierd if Kyo and I became more than friends...? or would everything be fine and I should just try to forget about how I use to have feelings for Yuki?

lest I forget the meaning of happiness...

I am the person, who thinks it is incredibly stupid to get involved with people and their problems...
and yet, I put myself in these situations.
I've never truly loved someone, in my entire life... I've never dated, or had a boyfriend... or even had my first kiss...
I know none of this is of any importance to anyone, but...
I can't help but to wonder...
is there truly someone out there...
for me?
and so, out of fear... I am now living a life of lies...

dreams...

Funny thing how they work. They can make you despise or love someone in an instant. To have the power to force you together, or to tear you apart from one word being spoken by someone who isn't even real. And if they do exist outside of your dreams, they most likely don't feel that way about you. So, all you can do is hope, but is that enough...?

Will that subside the wanting of feeling your hand in theirs? Will that make you stop wanting to hear those words spoken to you? So that you don't have to keep replaying the same dream in your mind over and over again, but so that you can have the real thing forever sealed in your memory... and forever chiseled on your heart. Will that stop the heartache? The ones of not wanting to shut out the world, but to embrace it with all your strength and to finally accept, "...that this where I belong..."