lest I forget the meaning of happiness...

I am the person, who thinks it is incredibly stupid to get involved with people and their problems...
and yet, I put myself in these situations.
I've never truly loved someone, in my entire life... I've never dated, or had a boyfriend... or even had my first kiss...
I know none of this is of any importance to anyone, but...
I can't help but to wonder...
is there truly someone out there...
for me?
and so, out of fear... I am now living a life of lies...

dreams...

Funny thing how they work. They can make you despise or love someone in an instant. To have the power to force you together, or to tear you apart from one word being spoken by someone who isn't even real. And if they do exist outside of your dreams, they most likely don't feel that way about you. So, all you can do is hope, but is that enough...?

Will that subside the wanting of feeling your hand in theirs? Will that make you stop wanting to hear those words spoken to you? So that you don't have to keep replaying the same dream in your mind over and over again, but so that you can have the real thing forever sealed in your memory... and forever chiseled on your heart. Will that stop the heartache? The ones of not wanting to shut out the world, but to embrace it with all your strength and to finally accept, "...that this where I belong..."